Grateful for The Memories I Can Still Hold Close...

Today, Jerry Hart & Flatland shared a post on Facebook from one of their performances and the song reminded me of being a little girl... standing with my little feet on top of my dad’s boots as we two-stepped.

I text him that memory. He remembered, too.

As we kept texting, my Dad mentioned other moments. Some I remembered... others, I couldn’t.

That is a tender part of my life as a survivor... living with gaps in my memory while certain moments remain so vivid.

My Dad brought up the time he was teaching me to drive my jeep... it was a hilarious memory that I recalled shared by just the two of us and the poor man trying to cross the street but another moment popped in my head... it was a frightening memory of flipping my jeep when I was in High School... I shared that memory with my Dad because I don't recall every mentioning what happened the moment I saw him jump out of his truck and rush toward me. I was terrified he would yell and be furious with me.

But he wasn't nor did he yell.

He grabbed me and held me so tight... I remember falling into his arms and feeling so safe.

Today, I am grateful I can still remember that embrace.

For survivors, difficulties with memory can bring grief, frustration, and questions that have no easy answers. PTSD can include trouble concentrating or remembering. Every person’s experience is different... and gaps in memory, by themselves, do not tell us why they happened.

But you do not need a perfect memory to deserve compassion.

You are allowed to grieve what you cannot recall... and treasure the good memories you do have. Gratitude does not require you to minimize your pain or pretend the abuse never happened.

A dance.

A song.

A laugh.

Someone holding you when you were frightened.

Those moments matter, too.

And if good memories feel out of reach today, there is no gratitude assignment you have failed. You still deserve gentleness, connection, and opportunities to experience safety and joy.

This week, I am giving myself grace for what I cannot remember... gratitude for the love I do remember... and permission to make new memories in my own time.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

God, meet us in the grief of what feels missing. Help us cherish the moments of love we remember, without forcing what we cannot. Bring safe people and tender new moments into our lives. Amen.

P.S. I Love You Dad.

With love...

Farah

Founder of TRUTH. RESILIENCE. GRACE.

U.S. support: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. Call or text 988 for crisis support. Immediate danger: call 911.

Shared for encouragement and education ... not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional care.